All stories have to have a starting point but with our adoption, I can't say we really know when that was. I can pin point the day my wife and I went to our first adoption seminar, March 15th 1997. I gave up watching Dean Smith break the all time NCAA record for wins that day to go to it, a big sacrifice at the time believe me. Despite that, I can say we didn't decide to adopt that day.
The heart of our story moves ahead almost two years to one of the worst snow storms during the 90s. While trapped by 10 inches of snow, my wife and I decided to go through some paperwork and came across all the information we'd collected at the seminar. Being stuck in the house was a blessing because when I found all those now priceless brochures, the Lord's hand led us to sit down and examine what we really wanted to do with them.
We were at a crossroads at that moment. We could toss them or finally come to terms with those feelings of how badly we wanted to be parents. Needlessly to say, they didn't go in the recycling bin. Within two weeks, my wife had called Carolina Adoption Services and made us an appointment just to “ask some questions.”
By the time we opened the conveniently placed photo albums of all the children who had been adopted from all over the world, we were hopelessly captivated by their expressions of joy and love. In other words, game over. We didn't let ourselves get too excited until our questions were answered but we already knew we were all in.
From those first few moments of sheer joy when we finally decided to adopt, we realized that this was going to be a lot of hard work. I can say my wife did an amazing job with the paperwork and following the procedures. I did most of the leg work having a flexible work schedule but she really carried us during the paperwork phase of our adoption grind.
Saying it was easy to do an international adoption would be the biggest lie I could think of. April really understood what to do and with the help of our friends and some interesting bank finances, we came up with the money and approved paperwork. Once everything was finished the hardest part settled in, the wait.
At the start of our adoption, we were told China was about an 8 month wait but by the time we got into the Chinese program, we waited well over a year. We even got separated from the original group of adoptive parents who started out with us. Needless to say, we were discouraged but we knew we would be parents one day. When that day would be, only God knew.
Months went by and waiting for something to take place so special was bad enough but we were shaken to our core as the 9-11 attacks unfolded. I wasn't afraid to fly to China almost 6 weeks later but it changed the way we looked at the world. Then the anthrax poisonings occurred and in retrospect that caused us more issues than the actual 9-11 disaster. Then we thought for certain it would be the month for our referral, we were again disappointed. Later that weekend, we went to a family reunion and the pictures show us disheartened. Little did we know that the following Monday would be one of the happiest days of our lives.
I had the day off but my wife was at work when she got the call from our adoption agency. She tried to call me about 10 times before she finally realized I was on the internet. At that time we had a dial up connection and of course she couldn't get through. She had to call our next door neighbor and have her walk over and try to explain what was happening. When our elderly neighbor told me what was going on, I didn't understand all she was saying. She was trying to tell me our referral had come in but she wasn't making much sense until she said “agency” and “pictures”. I was stunned at that point but finally understood the full meaning of her words.
When I called my wife, she was going crazy and threatened to go see the referral pictures herself as punishment for not having my, now ancient, cell phone turned on. I quickly got my act together, got ready and met April at the adoption agency. She gave me a moment of grief but we quickly went inside and were escorted into a small waiting room.
When our facilitator came out with our referral pictures, we were literally hopping up and down we were so excited. She had us take a seat and tried to calm us down but we were overjoyed. She told us our baby was a cute one and then opened the file for us to see her. We'd never seen anything so cute and beautiful in all our lives. The next few minutes are kind of a blur but she walked us through the process and I'm glad my wife was a better listener than I was because all I heard was, “you have a cute energetic child and you'll leave for China in about a month.”
We left with more paperwork to fill out and a long packing list but more importantly, we left knowing who our baby was going to be. We called our parents and then picked up my mom and gathered at my mother & father-in-law's house so they could all see the baby at the same time. We were so proud of Molly at that moment. We had delivered a grand baby finally.
From that moment forward, I don't remember much about the planning of the trip because our agency handled all the paperwork and hotel arrangements, except that we waited a month. The week before we left, our trip was planned, postponed and back on again all in one week because of the anthrax in the mail. Finally April called me from work on Friday, October 26, and said we were leaving the next Tuesday. Everything was ready at home so we finished packing and flew out on (Halloween eve morning) of 2001.
We lost 12 hours going over and it was very hard to keep track of what day it really was. Basically by the time we spent one night in Hong Kong, it was already November 1st. That morning we boarded a bus and headed for Guangzhou. Little did we know by 2 o'clock, we would be parents.
We got to the famous White Swan Hotel and checked in but we got a huge surprise. Our facilitator said, “babies in 2 hours.” In two hours, I would have enough time to get ready 12 times over but my wife and I suddenly couldn't think straight. We ran around changing, packing and getting our documents ready. Basically, we were a mess but a thrilled mess.
We gathered in the lobby with our new friends, who my wife was smart enough to get in touch with, before we left. This made it so much easier on that long flight and their parenting advice was very helpful. We all were equals at that moment, on the way to be united with our daughters.
What I remember the most about that day, was how hot and humid it was. The room where we waited didn't have AC and everyone was so uncomfortable but just charged with excitement. The wait was tough as the moments passed but finally we heard a commotion in the hall. The babies were here!
They told us that you'd forget all the agony and all the disappointment of that long wait but I didn't believe them. “Oh sure,” I thought but guess what, it was true. The moment they called our number, we were affectionately number 2, and the nanny put Molly in April's arms, all those feelings vanished. We were just instantly in love, all over again.
She cried like mad and nothing we did helped until April went to wipe her tears with a cloth diaper. Molly grabbed the towel, held on to it for dear life and stopped crying. She clutched it and really bonded with her mom. I shot video, took pictures and wasn't sure what to do. There was no manual, no instructions, just as she is, good luck. Thankfully we didn't have any bonding issues and our trip went very well.
Basically after we signed all the paperwork, swore we would take care of her and got Molly's passport finished, we were on vacation. Like I said, we really had a marvelous adventure with our new daughter. She loved April and would crawl at a rapid pace to find her in the hotel room. She bit me once but made up for it by saying DADA. She didn't say anything else until months later but I loved it.
We had some tough times with her of course, mainly at bedtime but she was a good baby over all. We had to stay 12 days and then we were headed home. The trip home was tough but Molly did better than most of the kids on the plane. Worn out from the flight, we touched down in Chicago and Molly became an American citizen. We expected something from the immigration officer but he tossed her paperwork in a box and looked at us like we had a third eye.
In the airport, the emotion of our adoption finally hit home and April lost it. Our new friend Peggy offered some comforting words. She said the 13 hour flight was April's labor. In the mean time, Molly and I trekked over to McDonald's for me to introduce her to the real America. She received an order of fries with her American citizenship.
We parted company with our new friends and the crying started all over again. Eventually our flight was called and we were headed home. She cried terribly on the take off and we had to change her diaper over the objections of a flight attendant but we finally got home. I remember how nice the folks on the plane were after we landed. They told us Molly had done fine and wished us good luck.
We were the last ones off the plane and we had our family a little bit worried but we were greeted by a large host of family and friends. We were never so happy to see them. The first thing I told my mom and brother was that I was sorry that I ever questioned their parenting skills. I was really clueless.
We basked in the fact our family was so supportive that day. Seeing all of them and how truly happy they all were made it so much better. Molly was going to be loved and we had plenty of support but more importantly we knew God was there for us. He had been there for us the whole time. We knew that of course. That was the one constant throughout our adoption, God's love and mercy. Do I need to say anything more.
Written by Roger Blackburn in honor of their family
Molly, April and Roger
